Excuse me while I enter my chaos era ;)

If there’s one thing the past nine months have taught me, it’s that nothing is ever truly within our control.

I started the year fully burnt out, coming off a financially strong 2024, only to enter a solid year of little to no work. Thankfully, past experiences have taught me to save for the rainy days and here I am still, surviving, albeit a very dry and unexciting year. Can you image that whole eight months have just flown by and here I am, barely accomplishing anything?

Just over a decade ago, the hustle culture was strong. #Girlboss was the rage – a glossy, romanticised view of female empowerment and reaching the top of the world. Beyonce’s Who Run the World was still blasting through our speakers; Taylor Swift and her squad were everywhere. EVERYWHERE. We were on top of the world. We dreamt of the impossible. It was an era where start-ups were the IT thing globally. Media companies flourished simply by covering the start-up boom. It was electrifying. Fashion was dying, but the world of business was peaking.

I can’t pinpoint the exact time the tides turned. There were the unicorns, NASDAQ listings, big mergers and exits, but suddenly start-ups were sexy no more. Our media pitches swung from landing big stories with just the word “start-up” to requiring multi-million/billions in funding round.

Maybe it’s because we lived through such an exciting era as young professionals that very little feels exciting these days. When we were younger, everything felt fresh, new, and full of possibilities.

I can’t speak for all, but I think many of us grew tired of endless stories about business successes and the rich getting richer. The more we worked with these circles, the more the ugliness brandishes its head. The pandemic ushered in two years of rediscovery and self reflection. Prioritising the real things that matter – families, self-fulfilment, relationships, and happiness – because they are a whole lot more important. Recognising that there can be better ways to live, work and play has ushered in a period of transition which many of us are still undergoing to this day.

In recent years, many of my fellow #girlboss comrades have broken up with hustle culture. Just the other day, I bumped into a friend for the first time in years, and we joked that we’re now in the #girlsleep era instead of #girlboss. One left her F&B business to become a florist — and she’s never looked more radiant.

The hustle culture took its toll on many of us who built our own businesses. Whether we succeeded or not, the dedication, commitment, and deep sense of ownership we poured into our work often meant something else had to give. For some, it was relationships and time with family. For others, it was health, hair, and appearances. Stress turns female hormones into disarray, and alarmingly, was what awoke my sleeping endometriosis.

I have spent the past year learning to accept and live with the volatility of my hormonal fluctuations, and the past six months coming to terms with the fact that my trying to conceive journey is going to be difficult. I might never have a child.

I used to relish in the thrill of riding the wave but now, I want to be a part of the green wave – clear, stable, powerful and expansive. I thought I was stuck living in an inertia but now I know, this has all been but a prep for me to enter my chaos era. I had put my life on hold, prioritising what I thought I should rather than what I’m meant to. I sacrificed things I wanted to pursue, because they didn’t aligned with what we thought we had to do. I’m still discovering and exploring, but whatever step I take next or opportunities that come my way, I hope I will spend my time doing things that matter.

P.S. I love em-dash. Don’t murder them.